Hello,
For reasons that I cannot explain, certain parts of songs, movies, books, and TV shows have stayed with me despite the decades that have passed since I first encountered them. I’m not talking about those lines that become part of the cultural zeitgeist, like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s iconic "I’ll be back" from The Terminator. You didn’t need to watch the movie (I didn’t) to hear that line in your head, complete with his accent. I’m referring to truly random, otherwise unremarkable things that, for some reason, only you remember.
For example, Who’s the Boss? was a very popular TV show in the 1980s, but most people haven’t watched it since the turn of the century. Fans might recall the names of a few actors without consulting Google, but remembering specific episodes or scenes is less common. Yet here I am, decades later, with one scene etched into my memory—and why it made such an impression is beyond explanation.
Let me set the stage. The show’s two adult main characters are Angela (Judith Light), a single, divorced, working mother, and Tony (Tony Danza), a single, widowed father. Angela hires Tony to manage her household and provide childcare for her son, and he moves into Angela’s home with his school-age daughter. In the episode, I remember Angela and Tony attending a parenting class. The teachers of the class advise the parents to avoid using the word “no” and other negative responses when interacting with their children. As an exercise, the parents are asked to rephrase “No Parking” without using “no” or any negative phrasing. This proves harder than it sounds. Responses like “Don’t park here” or “You can’t park here” technically avoid the word “no” but are still negative. Eventually, the teachers reveal a positively framed alternative: “Park Elsewhere.”
Here’s the scene so you can watch it yourself. Full disclosure: my memory of the scene doesn’t perfectly align with every detail, but “Park Elsewhere” is constant.
Why does this memory persist? Maybe it’s tied to my innate curiosity about language, though even that feels like a stretch. Regardless, its impact is undeniable. Since watching this in the ‘80s, every time I see a “No Parking” sign, my brain automatically says, “Park Elsewhere.” Without fail. Often, this leads me down a mental rabbit hole, rewording other negatively framed statements into positive ones.
As a teen working as a camp counselor, I was trained to say “Walk, please” instead of “No running.” When I became a teacher, I was encouraged to write classroom rules in positive terms, like “Be respectful,” instead of “Don’t put others down.” These practices weren’t connected to the Who’s the Boss? scene in my mind, but they align with the same principle: the way we frame language matters. Even today, when I see a sign in a restroom saying, “Do not flush feminine products down the toilet,” my brain reflexively considers how it could be reworded positively.
Ironically, the concept of positive language often has a negative connotation, yet its effectiveness is rooted in simplicity and practicality. I’m sure some viewers of that Who’s the Boss? episode rolled their eyes or laughed at the supposed absurdity of “Park Elsewhere.” Perhaps they lamented the idea that avoiding negativity in language is a sign of societal softness. But the fact remains: language shapes our thinking, behaviors, and emotions. It’s worth noting that positivity doesn’t mean sugarcoating reality or handing out participation trophies. It’s not about rainbows, butterflies, or avoiding firm boundaries. Positive language is about clarity and direction—stating what is wanted rather than what isn’t. It’s about boundaries: “Do this” instead of “Don’t do that.”
There is actual science behind a positively worded statement. As Alana Pace explains in the post, “It’s Science. Dropping negative language improves child behaviour,”
[W]hen I say, “Stop bugging your sister,” I am requiring my son to double-process. Meaning, he needs to process what I have told him not to do and then deduce what he should do instead.
In contrast, positive language is far more effective because it tells children what to do.
For example, “Be gentle with your sister” immediately conveys the expectation.
This is why, as a camp counselor, I was taught to say “Walk, please.” The campers heard exactly what I wanted them to do: walk. If I had said “No running,” they might not have fully registered the “no,” and their brains would have taken longer to process that I was asking them to stop running. In situations involving safety, clarity and immediacy are critical.
The power of language cannot be overstated. As leaders, educators, or parents, the words we choose influence how others perceive expectations and respond to them. Positive language not only fosters clarity but also promotes collaboration, understanding, and emotional well-being. Whether you’re drafting workplace policies, writing classroom rules, or simply navigating daily interactions, consider how your words can guide behaviors more effectively. The concept is as simple as this: instead of telling people what not to do, show them the path forward. After all, a simple shift from “No Parking” to “Park Elsewhere” has the power to transform not just signs, but mindsets.
~Heather
P.S. Even though I said in my post above that positivity doesn’t have to imply smiles and hugs, it can ;) As you know, I include a Catch of the Week at the end of all of my posts because I intentionally desire to spread the love. It’s a great habit to get into because it rewires your brain to look for the good. If you’re anything like me, you may not naturally default to doing this.
With this in mind, YOU are my Catch of Week, but only if you accept this challenge. Don’t worry. The challenge has choices.
Option 1: What is an amazing person or thing that you think others should know about? Email me (lyonsletters@outlook.com) and I will include that person or thing as a future Catch of the Week. Don’t be shy!
Option 2: Instead of telling me about that amazing person or thing, tell them! Reach out to that person and let them know what they mean to you. If it’s a thing that you like, send an email to the manufacturer, publisher, etc. to let them know how amazing their product is.
Option 3: Why choose? Do both one and two!
Option 4: This is the “voice” option where you decide to do something, but it’s not one of the choices above. It’s a choice of your making that maintains the spirit of the task. If you choose this option, I’d love it if you told me what you chose to do instead.
By the way, as inspiration, you may want to watch this video, “An Experiment in Gratitude,” which I included as a Catch of the Week a few years ago.
P.P.S. Please remember to...
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