Just Like Me
- Heather Lyon
- Apr 9
- 4 min read
Hello,
When I present on engagement, I often kick things off with the “Just Like Me” game. I share a series of statements about myself, and if audience members agree with one, they stand up and say, “Just like me.”
One of the statements that gets just about everyone on their feet is this: “On the weekends, if I have to, I’ll do work—but I’d prefer not to.” And as people sit down again, they usually smile. Not because they’re slackers. Not because they don’t love their jobs. But because when we’re “off the clock,” it’s completely normal to not want to do the things we get paid to do.
Now, imagine I asked this instead: “Would you keep showing up to work if you stopped getting paid?” Most people would shout a resounding “No!”—and who could blame them? Even if you love your job, the compensation isn’t optional. It’s part of what makes it work.
But here's what’s fascinating: while people often don’t want to do their jobs on the weekends, they’re still doing work—just not the kind they’re paid to do. Let me give you an example. On Sundays, you’ll often find me in the kitchen, baking. There are people who get paid to bake—but I actually pay to do it. I spend money on ingredients, gadgets, and give up my time to bake. My husband? He plays basketball. He’s not on a professional roster—but he still pays for gym memberships, sneakers, gas… and again, his time.
We’re not getting compensated for these activities. But we love them. We choose them. And they’re still work. They require effort, energy, and focus—just like a job would.
So how do we make sense of this? How do we know when we’re doing something because we have to, and when we’re doing it because we want to?
Here’s one way to tell: Think about your own job. Now, ask yourself:
How do I feel on Friday afternoon—am I ready to leave work behind for a couple of days?
On the weekend, do I dive into work for fun, or do I seek out other interests?
On Sunday night, do I wish the weekend could last a little longer?
If you find yourself loving your job but also loving your weekends, you’re probably at the “interested” level of engagement. That’s not a bad thing—it just means you enjoy the work, but you also need the extrinsic motivation (like pay, praise, or consequences) to keep doing it.
Let me break it down further using the Engagement Matrix:
Non-Compliant: You don’t like the task and don’t care about the consequences.
Compliant: You don’t like the task, but you do care about the consequences—so you do it.
Interested: You like the task, but still want compensation or recognition.
Absorbed: You like the task so much, you don’t need external rewards. Doing it is the reward.
These categories apply to everyone, from a kindergartener coloring a worksheet to a Fortune 500 CEO managing a company. Engagement doesn’t discriminate by age or role.
And here’s the twist: The work we do professionally—the work we get paid for—was probably influenced by something we once felt absorbed in. We loved it so much, we tried to find a way to make it our job. But when that passion turns into a paycheck, our engagement often shifts. Why? Because now, we’re not just doing the thing for joy—we’re doing it to pay the bills. The added pressure (rent, car payments, insurance) changes how we relate to the task. The work we were once absorbed in becomes the work we’re now just interested in. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s just that compensation changes the equation.
Which leads to an important point for schools and organizations to consider—how we recognize, reward, and motivate people impacts their level of engagement. When we get that right, we can move people from compliance to interest… and sometimes, even back to absorption.
In Part 2 of this series, I take a closer look at how compensation works in schools—not just financial, but social and structural—and why it matters how we recognize work, even when that’s not the reason we do it.
~Heather
P.S. Are you someone who feels like you don’t always know what or how to say what you want to say–particularly in a stressful situation? No matter who you’re talking to, my Catch of the Week, the book The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher gives you immediately actionable strategies and phrases that will forever change how you communicate. Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and one of the leading voices on real-world communication, offers a tried-and-true framework that will show you how to transform your life and your relationships by improving your next conversation. Not a reader, that’s okay, check out Fisher’s posts on IG or The Jefferson Fisher Podcast.
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