Hello,
I am thirteen months younger than my older sister, Brooke. Growing up, our sibling rivalry was intense, and the inevitable comparisons to her drove me to carve out my own identity. Brooke liked My Little Ponies, so I didn’t like horses. She liked the color pink; I opted for purple. In school, our contrasting attitudes shaped how I approached my education.
When I was in first grade and Brooke was in second, her teacher called my mom to discuss Brooke’s work habits. Brooke and I eavesdropped in the hallway as the teacher explained that Brooke often threw away her work instead of completing it. Hearing this, I decided I would be different. If Brooke didn’t like school, I was going to be the best at it.
As we went through school, I sometimes felt Brooke used her teachers as a scapegoat, blaming them for her struggles. She’d say a teacher was “mean” or that the teacher didn’t like her. I sometimes hear similar things from my own children when they don’t perform well on an assignment—comments like “the teacher is bad” or “the teacher is unfair” aren’t uncommon. While I can relate to this sentiment, I also know that a challenging teacher or environment doesn’t justify poor performance or a lack of effort.
Case in point: A few years ago my youngest son, Oliver, had a teacher who assigned him (and a handful of other classmates) lunch detention because they didn’t finish their classwork within the allotted time. I found out about this not because the teacher called me, but because Oliver told me after school on the day he had the detention. I was confused because I would have thought if his behavior was serious enough to warrant a lunch detention, I would have been contacted. What was even more surprising, however, was what he told me next. He had to go to the teacher’s room during lunch, during a period when the teacher was teaching. As a result, the teacher placed him in the corner, facing the wall.
It’s almost unbelievable that she would have publicly shamed him this way. Publicly shaming a child would obviously create a rift in the student-teacher relationship. Yet, if Oliver let this experience affect his academic performance, what would he have gained? Sure, it would have been easier for Oliver to engage if he felt cared for by his teacher, but he still had a responsibility to learn, regardless of how he was treated. His success wasn’t solely dependent on the teacher’s actions but also on his own choice to keep moving forward. Students generally don’t get to pick their teachers so students can’t just learn from the kind, eager, and respectful teachers.
So if students have a responsibility to learn despite the behaviors of their teachers, teachers have a responsibility to do right by all students, not just the easy, compliant, and respectful students. As an educator myself, there are students who I have an easier time with. That’s true not just for me, but for all teachers. What’s important is that we do not use our students as scapegoats, blaming them for our struggles. Blaming students sounds like “These students are the worst I’ve ever had,” “The students don’t listen,” and “I can’t get my students to do any work.” This creates an unhealthy (toxic) cycle, where neither party takes responsibility for the dynamics at play. While students should always strive to do their best, teachers also have a duty to reflect on their own teaching practices and how they may contribute to the challenges they face in the classroom.
The TL; DR version of this is: I’ve come to realize that a less-than-ideal teacher doesn’t absolve a student of their responsibilities. It’s a two-way street. Just as a student can’t use a teacher’s shortcomings as an excuse for poor performance, neither can a teacher justify their own lackluster teaching based on the student(s) they have.
The Power of Relationships
Positive relationships between teachers and students are essential for effective learning. When students feel valued and supported, they are more likely to be engaged and motivated. Conversely, negative relationships can hinder learning and create a toxic classroom environment.
Research shows happy teachers have happy students.
This connection underscores why it’s so important to create conditions in which teachers feel valued, respected, and safe. The reasoning here is twofold: first, teachers are people who deserve these fundamental conditions. Second, teachers care for students who are people too and also deserve to experience the same sense of value, respect, and safety. When teachers feel supported, their positive energy resonates in the classroom, promoting a more constructive environment for everyone involved.
Unconscious biases can also impact teacher-student relationships. When a teacher expects less from a student, consciously or unconsciously, it can affect how they interact with that student, often resulting in missed opportunities for connection or support. Similarly, students who assume a teacher doesn’t like them or is “out to get them” may respond defensively, creating further distance. Acknowledging and actively working to understand and counter our biases is essential to building relationships with students who may feel challenging at first glance.
A Shared Responsibility
People will work harder when they think they’re working for someone who cares about them. As Drs. Rimm-Kaufman and Sandilos wrote in the post, “Improving Students' Relationships with Teachers to Provide Essential Supports for Learning: Applications of Psychological Science to Teaching and Learning modules,”
Picture a student who feels a strong personal connection to her teacher, talks with her teacher frequently, and receives more constructive guidance and praise rather than just criticism from her teacher. The student is likely to trust her teacher more, show more engagement in learning, behave better in class and achieve at higher levels academically. Positive teacher-student relationships draw students into the process of learning and promote their desire to learn (assuming that the content material of the class is engaging, age-appropriate and well matched to the student's skills).
Both teachers and students play a role in creating a positive learning environment. Teachers should strive to be effective and supportive, while students should be respectful and engaged. When teachers genuinely care about their students’ success and students bring their best efforts to class, it fosters a culture of learning and growth. This responsibility to each other is essential for a thriving classroom.
The reason for relationship breakdowns can be vast and varied. Here are three examples of when that happens due to situations from teacher to student, and then three examples of when that happens from student to teacher.
These positive approaches ensure that both the learning experience and the relationship between the teacher and the student are nurtured. The focus is not just on the situation, but on understanding the humanity of the people within the situation.
For transparency, I included the student examples for balance and to demonstrate that relationship challenges can stem from student-to-teacher, and not just teacher-to-student. However, as I often say to myself when I feel my buttons being pushed by my children, “Only one of us has a fully developed prefrontal cortex, and it’s not them. So what’s my excuse?” That usually helps to remind me that my children are still children and I am the adult in the situation. Shared responsibility doesn’t mean that one party does not have greater onus–and I tend to think in child/adult relationships, that the more responsible party is the adult.
At the heart of all this is not relationships for relationship's sake, but relationships to bolster learning. The link between relationships and learning is not just correlational, it’s causal. “Positive relationships,” writes The Child Mind Institute,
are built on positive interactions. Each of these interactions has a powerful effect on the brain. When you authentically praise a student or have a positive interaction, the student’s brain releases dopamine. This creates a cycle…The student feels good and is motivated to feel that way again. With this increased motivation, students spend more time and attention working on a skill. They build those skills. You give more praise—sparking the release of more dopamine. And the cycle starts all over again.
On the flip side, when students don’t receive positive feedback, they’re less likely to enter the positive cycle of motivation and learning.
Building and Nurturing Relationships, Even When It’s Hard
It’s easy to blame others when things don’t go our way. However, taking responsibility for our own actions, regardless of external factors, are crucial for personal growth and success. By focusing on our own efforts and seeking solutions, we can overcome challenges and achieve our goals.
Ultimately, it comes down to this: a less-than-great teacher doesn’t give students license to be a less-than-great student, and a less-than-great student doesn’t give teachers license to be a less-than-great teacher. Great learning environments are built when both teachers and students strive to bring their best to the classroom, even when it’s hard. So next time you’re frustrated—whether with a teacher, a student, or even yourself—ask what actions you can take to improve the relationship to improve the situation.
~Heather
P.S. Speaking of relationships, a friend of mine told me, “You've got to listen to this interview between Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah...beautiful!” When I asked her where she came across it, she said, “...YouTube suggested that I watch that Simon Sinek/Trevor Noah interview. It really hit home for me and made me think of you. Hope you found value in it too. They're brilliant humans.”
Well, let me tell you, it hit home! I dare you to watch it and not feel compelled to reach out to a friend and tell them, “I love you.”
P.P.S. Please remember to...
Like and share this post
Check out other posts
Subscribe to www.lyonsletters.com
Buy and rate your copy of Engagement is Not Unicorn (It's a Narwhal),
From Amazon or Barnes & Noble
Comentarios